DAY 36 – KEY ASPECT: BECOMING AFFECTED

I am sitting in a room filled with over one hundred people who are discussing their life stories. They tell one another the mundane things along with the most joyous of moments and those memories they wish they could forget. After hours of sharing themselves each person comes to understand that everyone has personal events and situations that are of such a momentous nature that it has an impact upon the rest of their lives. Whether it was something good or something they would never have wanted, each person’s recollections seemed so real to them as if they are telling a story that is happening at this very moment.

Within each person’s life there are certain experiences that become very troubling. A man in his thirties who had parents that argued a lot and yelled not only at one another but also at him when he was growing up still felt it to this day. A young woman reflected back at her time in school where she was made fun of and how ashamed she was of herself because of that. A man in his fifties who came from a country at war when he was a boy of ten thought about how difficult it was to live under such circumstances and how frightened he was witnessing the horrors of war. A woman in her seventies was married in her thirties for five years but had to end it because of the verbal and physical abuse at the hands of her husband that made her constantly afraid even to this day. A married couple told about a business partnership they went into with a co-worker and how that co-worker cheated them that made them leery to trust other people.

Being mistreated can be psychologically difficult and emotionally draining. Having to persevere through it when it happens is one aspect of having someone not treat them with dignity and respect. For some, the magnitude of the mistreatment left enduring memories that made it difficult to let go of.

Look at the thoughts that may develop when there is mistreatment. A person can think poorly of himself or herself when someone says degrading things. An immense dislike or hatred towards a person or group can seem a reasonable response to an injustice. The least provocation can set off an inner dialogue of fear, anger, frustration, anxiety or sadness. The past can seem ever present because what flows from within may never be the same again.

While the difficulties are fresh in their memories so are the things that human beings value and cherish. All of the people at this event related the joyous times spent with their parents, siblings, spouses, children and close friends. Some talked about going places with their parents, a romantic getaway with their spouse, playing with and taking their children places, swimming at the beach, playing games, playing musical instruments, going on vacation and so many other everyday things that filled their life with joy.

The one thing above all else that these people most cherish and have positively impacted their lives is the love they have received and the love that they have for those special few people in their life. The love they get from their mother and father throughout their lives is still felt to this day. The love that they have for their spouse or an adored boyfriend or girlfriend means so much to them. The love they have for their children words cannot describe. The connections with a best friend is also an important part of each person’s life. The feelings and appreciation for those special few people are felt deep down and have continually enhanced people’s lives no matter what kind of difficulties they are facing.

While every person’s life may change dramatically because of the people they know, so too can reading and hearing an idea or a concept become part of a person’s beliefs. When being exposed to someone’s point of view, each of us will find certain concepts more appealing than others. Books and newspaper articles that we read, television programs and talk shows that we watch, radio programs that we listen to and internet sites that we go to all have the potential power to have an influence on our thinking. Combined with our sense of right and wrong, every person’s personal philosophy about life, economic concepts and societal and political ideologies are the result of hearing or reading about various ideas and coming to believe in their validity. Over time adherence to a set of principles develops and an abhorrence often occurs for other contrary ideologies.

After hearing the personal life stories of these people I now realize that past experiences have a profound effect on everyone’s life. This manifests itself in our ability to have a better life with fewer difficulties or a life that is more problematic.