DAY 35 – KEY ASPECT: THE VERB TO BE AND GROUP IDENTIFICATION

I am talking to people who are members of a hate group. We are discussing the group they belong to and other human beings who are members of groups they dislike. In most cases they consider themselves as separate and distinct from their fellow human beings based upon nationality, religion, race, ethnicity or sexual orientation. After a period of time it becomes evident that the words people use to describe themselves and others play an enormous role in group identification.

At an early age we are taught about the verb to be. We learn the words am, are and is. These three words have enormous power when they are combined with I, you, we and they. I am and you are, we are and they are, I am and he is or I am and she is when used in connection with a nationality, religion, race, ethnicity or sexual orientation creates the underpinnings for people to think of themselves as not the same. It even occurs with political, economic and social ideologies, rooting for a sports team or favoring the community each of us lives in.

I am nationality A and you are nationality B. We are religion C and they are religion D. I am race E and he is race F. I am ethnicity G and she is ethnicity H. We are straight and they are gay. We are people who believe in these political, economic and social ideologies and they are people who believe in something different. We are people who live in this community and they are people who live somewhere else. The distinctions human beings make based upon group identification all have the verb to be at its center. Such distinctions make it easier for some to develop anti-thoughts about those who are different.

When people think of someone as different it can justify any type of depictions upon those who belong to the “other” group without any requirements for accuracy and factuality. Members of one’s own group can appear right while members of the “other” group who do something else are considered to be in the wrong. One’s own group can think of themselves as more deserving than people who belong to the “others”. Comparisons which are in the negative and sometimes outright hostile can develop towards the “others” when applied to group identification.

Every group has certain aspects of their culture and group identity that are passed down from generation to generation. While human beings everywhere go about their daily living in a similar fashion, the nuances of each group should make us bask in wonderment and not in vitriolic dislike. Differences should not be barriers to living cooperatively but the verb to be of I am and you are can instill in some a mindset that there is something wrong with those who are different and we should not work with or cooperate with the “others.” We all can learn more, enjoy more of what this world provides and have fewer problems when we rid ourselves of the language that divides us.

The verb to be also has profound connotations on how each of us thinks about the people we interact with. Saying the words he or she is bad, is stupid, is incompetant or anything demeaning and unflattering creates a mindset based upon looking at whatever you personally consider negative. Sometimes the assessment could be incorrect based upon one’s own personal beliefs or preferences. Sometimes the assessment ignores all of the other things a person does that you admire and believe in. No matter what the reasons for those negative thoughts they in and of themselves create a wall to better personal relationships.

The same can be said about using the verb to be about yourself. Saying silently I am bad, I am unworthy, I am incompetant and other negative judgments that follow I am can create a mindset that puts yourself down and lowers your personal self-esteem. With it comes not only emotional distress but also actions that may not be in your best interest.

Making an issue in your mind of all of the negativity that follows you are, they are, he is or she is ignores all of the things that other people do that are good, kind and beneficial for themselves and others. Believing that there is something profoundly wrong with you because of what follows I am ignores all of the good, kind and beneficial things you do for yourself and others. A realistic appraisal and language commensurate with it needs to follow the verb to be.

After talking to those individuals who hate certain people I now realize that the words I am/you are and we are/they are have a powerful influence over my beliefs about myself and my fellow human beings. Too often the verb “to be” creates problems by categorizing and separating human beings into people belonging to one’s “own” group and those who belong to the “other” group. The only I am and we are that unites the world is human.