DAY 37 – KEY ASPECT: THOUGHTS VERSUS FEELINGS

I am at work and three coworkers are talking about a new project our company is undertaking. One person said he feels that they haven’t been given enough time to adequately complete their part of the project. Another person said she feels that their supervisor doesn’t understand how difficult it is to coordinate everything between the different departments in the company. The third co-worker said he feels that this project is a burden on everyone in the company and would not be beneficial for the future success of their company.

While each person used the word feels, what they are describing is not feelings but their thoughts about this project. The first person is describing his thoughts about not being given enough time. The second person is describing her thoughts about how the supervisor doesn’t understand the difficulties to coordinate things between the different departments. The third person is describing his thoughts about the burden this project would create and how it would hurt the future success of the company.

People constantly say “I feel” when they discuss various things in life. We say it in relation to something that has or will occur such as I feel this should or shouldn’t happen. We say it when we talk about the attributes of people such as I feel he didn’t take my concerns seriously. We say it when a person describes what he or she will do such as I feel I have to take care of this situation. We say it when we describe the character and qualities of people who belong to a certain group such as I feel that the beliefs and actions of people of a certain nationality, religion, race, ethnicity or sexual orientation are not the same as the group I belong to.

Feelings course through the human body while thoughts flow in our minds. We use the terms sad, anxious, fearful, scared, happy and love to describe something that happens within each of our bodies. We describe something that happens within our mind using the words think, thought, analyze, contemplate, reasoning, imagination, opinion, disdain, think little of, thoughtful and speculate.

Every feeling is both personal and powerful within someone’s body. No one else can actually feel the anguish or joy that another person feels. The only way to have any semblance of what any other human being is going through is for them to verbally tell you.

While it is generally accepted to use the words “I feel” for “I think” there is an important distinction for each term. When someone has an actual feeling no one can say that a feeling is not real since it is actually occurring within that person’s body. A person’s thoughts, though, can be questioned for its accuracy and factuality.

When a person says I feel he shouldn’t have done that or I feel that people of a certain group have a negative attribute it becomes harder to discuss how their thinking on the subject may be incorrect. Using the words I think instead of I feel allows people not only to discuss their statements based on their merits but also allows a person to introspect their own thoughts more carefully.

In addition, thoughts can have a profound affect upon a person’s feelings. The more negative silent words said to oneself the more upsetting feelings a person has. I am no good, I am incompetant, no one cares about me and many other self-degrading thoughts can create a corresponding negative feeling within one’s own body. Saying to oneself someone or some group is no good, inconsiderate, incompetant, selfish, unworthy and many other non-flattering and demeaning things often instills negative feelings within when thinking about certain people.

While negative thoughts create negative feelings, positive thoughts create positive feelings. Thinking that you are competent, people care about you and you will be able to succeed will instill an inner peace and joy that you take with you everywhere you go. Thinking that your fellow human beings are worthwhile and you harbor no ill will towards anyone will allow you to feel good when thinking about or meeting other people.

Sitting at my desk after overhearing my coworkers I now realize that it is important to understand the difference between feelings and thoughts and the impact each word has. Being consciously aware that there is a distinction between using the word feel when I mean think can help me to become more analytical and better able to analyze my thoughts for their accuracy.