DAY 54 – KEY ASPECT: ACTING MATURE IN THE FACE OF IMMATURITY: WHEN THE OTHER PERSON ACTS IN A MANNER DETRIMENTAL TO A BETTER LIFE AND BETTER WORLD

A friend of mine is an eighteen year old girl about to graduate from high school who is in love with her boyfriend of two years. At first their relationship was really good. They did things together each of them enjoyed and he treated her well. Six months into their relationship he started to become easily upset with her with yelling and verbal assaults as his way of showing displeasure. After a couple months of being treated this way she could not take it anymore so she started to yell back and verbally insult him. She had never acted this way before towards anyone.

While there have been many loving moments that bring joy to both of them there are also too many instances of heartache. Being often told she is stupid and cannot do anything right, she would like to go back to the beginning of their relationship where he treated her with dignity and respect. While her love for him prevents her from ending the relationship she does not know what to do to have him always treat her better.

Immaturity is at the heart of so many personal problems. When a three year old acts out and screams uncontrollably when he is told by a parent not to do something he wants to do, it is a child’s immaturity that causes the outburst. When a person weaves in and out of traffic on a highway while cutting off any cars in its path it is the immaturity of the driver not caring about other people that propels such behavior. When a person belittles someone else because of a certain belief or because of the group he or she belongs to, it is the immaturity of the offender that makes it okay to say such things.

Reacting to immaturity with immaturity happens quite often. My eighteen year old friend did not know how to maturely respond to her boyfriend’s yelling and verbal abuse so after months of being treated poorly she responded in kind with an immaturity of her own by yelling and verbally insulting him back. A person’s inconsiderate driving habits can be met with an immaturity by someone else doing the same thing to the original offender. Responding to belittling statements because of group affiliation with belittling remarks or with a physical assault is also an act of immaturity.

Think back to when you yelled and shouted back at someone who is yelling and shouting at you. Did that act of responding in kind to immaturity lead to the other person suddenly calming down and wanting to rationally discuss the dispute or did it just bring on more anger aimed at you. Did a person in the heat of an argument who insulted you suddenly apologize because of you coming back with an insult of your own or did the argument become more intense. Did physically assaulting someone who lied to you or violated your trust ever change what has already taken place. Immature responses to immature actions rarely help to immediately solve a problem and it quite often escalates the difficulties two people may be having.

A mature response to immaturity is what we need if we are to change a chaotic scenario to one of harmony. Showing kindness and respect to an unkind and disrespectful action has the potential to change the behavior of a person who mistreats you. Staying calm when someone is out of control gives the person who is calm more ability to calm the out of control person and diffuse the situation. While it sometimes may be difficult to show kindness, respect and to stay calm in a chaotic situation, striving to create a peaceful environment is worth the effort.

Thinking about my friend and her boyfriend I now realize that everyone needs to transcend the immature actions of others by having a mature response. Maturity leads to harmonious interactions and relationships and helping someone to get back into that mode of thinking and behaving changes the dynamics of the situation.