DAY 53 – KEY ASPECT: LISTENING AND SEEING IS NOT HEARING AND UNDERSTANDING

I am in the middle of an argument with my boss at work. He is annoyed at me because of a project that didn’t get completed in the timeline he expected it would. I tried to explain that a situation developed in a particular phase of the project that caused a backup in everything that would follow. He nonetheless did not want to know the reasons for the delay, he just wanted the project to be completed now and not later.

Over the years I have seen people become embroiled in heated arguments. Oftentimes one person involved in the argument tries to explain their actions to the other person. The explanation falls on deaf ears. While the second person is listening to the other person he or she is not fully hearing what is being said.

Fully hearing someone is getting to understand a situation from the other person’s perspective. When we can better grasp a person’s reasons for what they think and do, we can better understand that individual. No one will necessarily agree with everything someone does or the reasons for it, but they can develop a better understanding of why that person thinks and acts as he or she does.

When we just listen and see without hearing and understanding we only know our fellow human beings on the surface and not what is really going on inside of them. We do not know what their reasons are for a particular thought or behavior. The real person lies beneath the surface and hearing and understanding allows us to get to know others on a deeper level. Such insights create the openings for more relevant discussions that have the potential to make breakthroughs that bring about behaviors that are beneficial for everyone concerned.

Think about all the discord that takes place surrounding differing political and economic philosophies. Discussions often tend to be about each side advocating for a certain concept without hearing and understanding the reasons behind someone else’s beliefs. This lack of insight into why people believe what they believe tend to put people into their own political and economic corner of the boxing ring. The only recourse they then have is to stand firm for their belief systems and not give any credence to other ideologies. Finding a middle ground where we can take the best of each side’s beliefs and combine it into a better whole becomes next to impossible.

After leaving the meeting with my boss I now realize that much of the disrespect and discord we have in this world is related to an inability to hear and understand what lies beneath the surface of our fellow human beings. Finding the maturity to listen and understand instead of just hearing and seeing changes the discussions from solely advocating for one’s ideology and behavior into a search for the best way forward.